the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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