We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
