Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
