I must be too annoying 4 u.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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