i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
