Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
