There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
