No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
