I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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