And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
