2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
