I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
