We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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