Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Terrible idea I love it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
