dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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