After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
