i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
