I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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