So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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