just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
