So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
