took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
