he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
