He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
