I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
