Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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