STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
