Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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