he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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