ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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