Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
