things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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