"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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