i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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