We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
