Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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