I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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