First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
