I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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