What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
