It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
