He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
