Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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