awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
