I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
