I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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