I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
