Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
