I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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