Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
